Fears

I recently had an epiphany while driving.  I envisioned myself working directly with a man I have admired for the past two years, Craig Holiday.  I thought if I could just work directly with him and soak in his wisdom, I would grow so much as a person and really move in the right direction towards my goals.

When I got home, I opened my email to an invitation from none other than Craig Holiday himself to be a part of a 12-week series entitled, “Rhino Renegade”.  Craig regularly uses the rhino as his symbol of success and I see it a metaphor of putting my head down, kicking aside the dirt and facing whatever obstacle comes to me with courage and conviction.

I immediately felt that pit in my stomach.   You know the one that stirs up the fear and anxiety and self-doubt.  But instead of succumbing to its force, I signed up with zero hesitation.  I want to grow as a person.  I want to fulfill my dreams.  I want to change not just my life, but those that surround me.  I needed this course.

The first week is all about facing fears.  It took a lot of self-reflection to really understand what limits I place on myself from negative self-talk and fear of failure.  I learned that I’m not necessarily fearful of success, but I hold this self-doubt that I am not worthy of it.  I feel in many aspects of my life, I haven’t held up my end of the stick by showing up the way I should financially, spiritually and as a mother and wife and I have incredible guilt associated with it.

I often have negative self-talk about the way I look and instead of telling myself that I am beautiful, I find myself negatively articulating comments about my minute physical flaws and my inherent personality traits.  Rather than finding beauty, I will compare myself to others in an unfair or unjust way.  I place these uncompromising demands on my character to be someone I am not.

When I began to discover all the limiting behaviors I place on myself, I realized that there is no way I can progress. Unless I start to replace this self-doubt and comparison to others with acceptance of where I am today, then and only then will I know and understand that I am worthy.  Or as Craig would say, “STOP IT” when it comes to putting these ridiculous demands and comparisons on myself.

It’s important to not only recognize the limits we place on ourselves, but to then recognize our behavioral patterns that trigger these fears and self-doubt.  It’s all a process of cleaning out the junk first so we can organize our lives to move forward to a life that we deserve.

The power of this exercise is incredible.  When we know what we do to limit ourselves, we can learn to do better.  We become aware of the patterns that put us in the downward spiral instead of the moving us forward in an ascending motion to be great.

I’m so excited about the next couple of months as I go farther into this process of truly unveiling the power of my potential.   Instead of reflecting as I often have in the past of what I’m not or what I cannot be, I’m discovering the true me.  I know for sure that I have incredible heart to move others and people trust me, that I am a leader and I have purpose and passion to make an incredible impact on many and  I know that what I believe, I absolutely know I can achieve.

We all have fears.  We all have made mistakes and we will continue to make mistakes, but we also all have a purpose.  We all deserve to live a life that full of happiness and we have the power to sing the song that is inside of our hearts. Thank you Craig Holiday for allowing me to see the true potential in myself..

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